009 | poetry is what you make it
everything
can be read as poetry
if you read it in a soft voice
and with breaks
where the writer intended
to prove my point further,
i will tell you something
i am sitting
on the edge of the bathtub,
naked,
for shaving my legs
and taking a shower after
but oh,
if only you knew
about the almost carnal desire
burning me up from the inside
i wish
i could shit before i shower
because there is no greater displeasure
than having to take a dump
the moment you step out there,
fresh and clean
# poetry
007 | untitled
isn't it curious how
when things get bad
we think
it will never get better
but
when things get good
we fear
it'll get bad again soon
# poetry # fragments # fortheghostsicarry
27. April 2025
i use hashtags
(and will update this page whenever i add a new one)
should be self-explanatory, although i'm not always sure what i write should really be called “poetry” short poems, (unfinished) thoughts often paired with # poetry
posts about things relating to past selves/views/experiences always paired with # fortheghostsicarry
is meant to make you aware there might be mentions of potentially triggering subjects
these may include but are not limited to mental health, especially depression, anxiety and ( c)ptsd; unhappy childhood; gaslighting, emotional abuse, emotional neglect (ties in with the childhood); identity loss (will be tied to the specific issue of finding out your social father isn't your biological father rather late (i was almost 30)); things i am learning as i am rediscovering myself
often but not always rather positive, pushing forward, hopeful (but not in a toxic positivity -way (i hope))
sometimes paired with # fortheghostsicarry then often about past behaviors/beliefs, and how i am un-learning them you will find sensual topics here
possibly explicit, tread with caution
for this reason, if overly explicit, it will be posted at the beginning of an entry, not paired with any other hashtags
(the only exception to this is the post titled “this feral heart”) reflections on fast-paced (internet) culture
resisting the feeling to constantly have to create, produce, perform; resisting “content creation”
trying to reclaim slowness, breath and truth
i've always been “the soft one”
and i tried to shapeshift this softness
into whatever was needed
into whatever i assumed would be liked best
when you do that for a long time
for whatever reason
– for me it was survival -
you forget
who you truly are
you unlearn
what you really want
what you need
what would be fun to
have
or think
or say
or do
you just fill the molds
prepared by others
and if you don't fit, well
squeeze a bit harder
maybe cut a piece off yourself here and there
but there will be a time
a day, a moment, a year maybe
within which you realize
no
this isn't
who i am
you will see the scars
where you cut off parts of yourself
and you will see the bruises
from squeezing into spaces
that were never meant for you
that is the time where you have to decide
is it still worth it
do i still need to do this
or am i ready to leave it all behind
to step away from the molds
to let myself become something else
to see what shape i take when i'm not forced to fit in
# poetry # fortheghostsicarry
002 | in my goo era
did you know
caterpillars basically dissolve
to become a butterfly.
but
a brimstone, a swallowtail, a map caterpillar -
they already are a brimstone, a swallowtail, a map butterfly.
the goo inside the chrysalis
is still
a brimstone, a swallowtail, a map.
becoming
is not pretty;
it's cruel and painful and scary.
but during all this time,
no matter the state,
i am still
me,
becoming .
# poetry # fortheghostsicarry # whattheflowersknow