003 | de/forming

i've always been “the soft one” and i tried to shapeshift this softness into whatever was needed into whatever i assumed would be liked best

when you do that for a long time for whatever reason – for me it was survival - you forget who you truly are

you unlearn what you really want what you need what would be fun to have or think or say or do

you just fill the molds prepared by others and if you don't fit, well squeeze a bit harder maybe cut a piece off yourself here and there

but there will be a time a day, a moment, a year maybe within which you realize no this isn't who i am

you will see the scars where you cut off parts of yourself and you will see the bruises from squeezing into spaces that were never meant for you

that is the time where you have to decide is it still worth it do i still need to do this or am i ready to leave it all behind

to step away from the molds to let myself become something else to see what shape i take when i'm not forced to fit in

#poetry #fortheghostsicarry

002 | in my goo era

did you know caterpillars basically dissolve to become a butterfly.

but a brimstone, a swallowtail, a map caterpillar - they already are a brimstone, a swallowtail, a map butterfly.

the goo inside the chrysalis is still a brimstone, a swallowtail, a map.

becoming is not pretty; it's cruel and painful and scary.

but during all this time, no matter the state, i am still me, becoming.

#poetry #fortheghostsicarry #whattheflowersknow